zOwie Omega Discussion Forum

I am too old to have attended Fernbank Elementary with you guys - I was born in Piedmont Hospital when it was located near where "the Ted" is now. But I do have two degrees from "the Harvard of the South" just around the corner from Fernbank.

I hope you enjoy the following that my sister-in-law (a former Atlantan living in Maryland) sent me:

ATLANTA

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta, has visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who lives in Atlanta, knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken." Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end, and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Ave, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree, Peachtree-Dunwoody, Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. And even then, it's still "Coke."

Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel lost, they're just on a "scenic drive."

The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.

"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.

A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on".

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the car in the adjacent lane, or a flat tire three lanes over.

If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.

If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts. Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour.

Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence it's name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Georgia 400 is our equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA 400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.

The last thing you want to do is be discourteous another driver, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy, which starts at 120! Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, etc. are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies you will die. But other than that, it's a great place to live!

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one's seen before. Squirrels will eat anything. Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants. Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls; it bites.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

"Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your flesh a picnic.

People actually grow, eat and like okra!

"Fixinto" is one word - "I'm fixinto go to da sto."

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's only dinner and then there's supper.

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're age 2.

"Backards" and "forwards" means I know everything about you.

'Jeet?' is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. (Unless, of course, you are a certifiable WIS.)

You know you're from Georgia if:

You measure distance in minutes.

You know what a 'dawg' is.

You see a car with its engine running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.

You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete and catsup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

You know whether another Georgian is from north, south or middle Georgia as soon as they open their mouth.

Going to Walmart is a favorite past time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World"

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor, Example: "What kinda coke you want?"

Fried Catfish is "the other white meat."

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But she failed to make any mention of the Varsity. "What'll ya have?"

John